|
SITE OF THE MONTH
Another site maintained by Hider and Sam. I don't think I've ever heard of a completely Literati-based fan fiction awards site. Have you? Start nominating, kids!
WRITING CONTEST
PLUG YOUR FICS!
Powered by TagBoard Message Board
|
I'd Rather Be Anywhere But Here by swimchic2
"I'd Rather Be Anywhere But Here" by swimchic2
Link to Story.
Plot
Jess is out with Jimmy in California, spending his days at the hot dog stand and his nights thinkin' about his girl (That sounded like an advertisement for Grease). Rory's at Yale...not thinking about Jess. Until she gets a call from the guilty boy, asking for a little forgiveness. “Well I don’t accept it!!” is all Rory's got to say. But now she's got him on her mind, and she needs to get his number. (What a high-tech world we're living in, huh? Phone-tag romance.) So, she gets it from Luke and calls Jess. She asks the question he doesn't have an answer to: Why did he leave her? He says sorry and hangs up. While all this Lit drama is going on, however, Rory's also dating Brain, a new character who loves to read but somehow doesn't know what Jane Eyre is. Then we merge into the actual Season 4, and experience a little of "A Family Matter" and most of "Nag Hammadi..." (which I'm not writing out). Oh, and we've got a bit of Junkie, too, as Lorelai is first enraged at Luke's contact with Jess, then is falling apart over Rory's move and eventual separtion from Lorelai. Lorelai kisses Luke on the cheek, and then there's really no more hint of romance. What happens next? You'll just have to read it.
Characterization
I think you basically had everyone on target. Jess was a little too soft in the way he addressed Lily, though. And Rory doesn't treat Tanna as a secretary the way she does in the story.
Style/Flow
It flowed well and I could clearly tell when we were changing POV's.
Structure/Grammar/Spelling
Minor spelling mistakes, but nothing too big. You seem not to know when to use the words "too" and "their." So that's something to work on. Also, Tanna's name went from being spelled "Tanna" to "Tana." For the record, the right way is Tanna. Some thoughts weren't in italics. Also, the writer's name is Amy.
Things To Work On
The dream could have just been a memory, because dreams aren't usually so clear, but that's no major problem. It worked okay. Also, minor things, like Lorelai never saying she was Rory's mom on the phone, but Tanna still knowing. Rory never said she loved Jess, although it was written on the back of the picture. But it worked that way, so I'll forgive it. :) There's also no desk in the diner, though you keep referring to it. Most important of all: Begging for reviews is a no-no. Especially when you say you'll withold chapters until you get a certain number. It's not wrong to ask for reviews, but it is always wrong to beg for them. You're story's good, and people will find out about it. You don't need to threaten to stop giving new chapters.
Parts That Rocked Our Socks
Luke, mostly. I thought he was written pretty well. Some quotes: “But its rush hour!” Caesar yelled back to Luke. “Just watch the damn diner!” Luke hollered back. / She’s probably getting married to one of her boyfriends or something. He dialed the number and was taken aback when a man answered. I didn’t really mean it. / “I have a date,” Luke responded. Lorelai laughed. “Seriously…why are you dressed up?”
Grade
B +. So close to an "A," though. So close.
Reviewed by:
SamiJoe
back
|
