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Sharp hints of tears by Jessica12
Link to Story.
Plot
Told in a very out-of-order order, this fic tells a Java Junkie kind of story. Luke leaves town to forget Lorelai, with no goodbyes, because what's a good exit if they bid farewell, I ask you. He comes back six months later-or "six goddamn months" as Lorelai puts it-thinking he's finally over our little Lorelai. Surprise, he's not. She comes by the diner and they share a passionate kiss witnessed by her husband Max, who she didn't run away from back in Season 2. Max leaves, saying he'll return if his wife will choose him over this Luke guy. Will she? Won't she?
Characterization
This story was headed as "AU." I don't know whether that refers to the fact that Lorelai and Max are married, or that the tone is much more serious that a GG episode. Not that the seriousness is a bad thing; it's good. That's what fic is for. But because the fic is on such a serious tone, the character's personalities are changed. Luke is touchy-feely, Lorelai is non-witty.
Style/Flow
It's a good form of writing we've got here. More...poetry form. I liked it. But in the last chapter, we switch POV often, and it's very hard to follow, considering mostly that "he" can refer to Luke or Max.
Structure/Grammar/Spelling
The A/N mentioned that the author's first language isn't English, so most of the mistakes are being forgiven. I'd just recommend having a beta, who can catch the mistakes for you. There aren't really many.
Things To Work On
I wouldn't say that you need a beta, but it's always good to have one. Also, a lot of descriptions were reused over and over. And over. One particular one was good (see below) but the rest were just redundant. They're really good descriptions, don't get me wrong, but when they're used with more than one person at more than one time it starts being annoying to hear. Thirdly, there were a lot of ...'s. They weren't necessary. Even used to show when there was a pause, they didn't need to be there. Most of the first chapter was half-finished thoughts and sentences and the ...s. But I know that FF.net was having trouble with punctuation for a while there, replacing other punctuation marks with those three little dots. Oh, and I'm not liking Max calling Lorelai "Lor." I think that's basically reserved for Chris. Not fair, but there it is.
Parts That Rocked Our Socks
I don't know if it was done on purpose or not, but Lorelai described both Luke and Max as men who made her laugh. I thought that that sentence right there showed how torn Lorelai was between her two men. It was a really good story, and I feel guilty only saying this one thing that rocked my socks, but this just really got to me. Very good.
Grade
A-.
Reviewed by:
SamiJoe
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