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Holding On To Nothing by Jessica
Link to story.
Plot
Luke and Rachel have been married for a year, but when things seem right, Rachel gets a job in the city. It made sense for her character, and her “wanderlust”. She needed to travel, and Luke saw her leaving and never coming back, figuring one job would to lead to another and then another and so on. He and Rachel fight, Lorelai finds him alone and tries to convince him to convince Rachel to stay, and Luke’s so distraught that he kisses Lorelai. Rachel sees, confronts Luke and then later, Lorelai. Then Rachel, upset and alone, is struck by a car and killed.
Luke discovers the true feeling of guilt and misery with her death, and believing it to be his and Lorelai’s fault. He runs out of town after Lorelai confronts him (the day after the funeral) and spends five years trying to find peace. When he receives a five-year old letter from Lorelai (which I still don’t understand… how did he get that? How did Lorelai send it out? If he left an address, then the letter would have been passed along until it reached him, but I thought he left without a word, note, phone call… how he’d get the letter? Anyway), he comes home. He confronts Lorelai, but she rejects him because, after all, it’s been five years. However, when Luke once again decides to leave for good (with a For Sale on the diner and everything) she stops him with confessing that while she loves him, she’s scared. But they’re going to try.
This story was a nice mix of angst and romance although it could get a little too melodramatic at times. I liked the way grief and guilt and blame and fear invaded both Luke and Lorelai, driving them apart.
Characterization
Since there never really has been a dramatic death on the show, I cannot judge on whether or not Luke’s reaction was in character. In terms of grief, loss, and guilt, characterization does not exactly have relevancy. Everyone reacts to such things differently, everyone grieves a different way, and many people change drastically when they have lost a loved one. Especially when they blame themselves. However, I thought it a little strange that Lorelai wanted to confront Luke about her feelings and the kiss right after the funeral. I would have thought she would have waited, left him to grieve for a little while before making any kind of confrontation.
The very last chapter, the end of the conversation between Luke and Lorelai I found a little hard to believe. You have a different writing style than most, and I both enjoy and appreciate the uniqueness but when it comes to dialogue, sometimes the words ring false; for example: “It consumes me sometimes. I fear this heart..because I can't hold back the feeling that rages inside.”
It just doesn’t sound like something Luke, even in the passion of a moment, would say.
Style/Flow
Different kind of style, but a nice change to the usual flow of most fanfic. You have a very unique style, kind of a poetry format, but you tell a story instead. This flowed very well, I rather enjoyed the style, and the short sentences and sentence fragments, like: “Trembling hands.” Somehow by only writing that instead of shoving it into a sentence like “His hands were trembling”, it stuck out more, had more of an emotional impact. Nice job.
Structure/Spelling/Grammar
You mentioned English wasn’t your first language, so some mistakes were to be expected. You obviously put a lot of care into this story, because I have seen more spelling / grammar errors in fics in which the person speaks English as their first and only language. However, once in a while, I would bump into an error, usually something like the subject not agreeing with the verb, and it would disrupt the flow for me. However, the errors were not that frequent, and everyone makes mistakes in their work. It’s expected.
Thing to Work On
Dialogue. The end of the story, between Luke and Lorelai, their dialogue just did not seem to fit them. I get that this was a big moment for them, charged and passionate, but I still had trouble believing it. Also, I know you don’t seem to use the “he said, she said” tag, which is fine, but sometimes I’d get confused as to who was saying what. Also, some of your descriptions you repeated a few times too many. Particularly describing something as breaking or falling.
Things That Rocked My Socks
The angst. It’s one of my favorite genres. The way Luke and Lorelai kept reacting to each other. They almost went full circle. Friends, Kiss, Wanting something more, A fight, and then almost normalcy — Lorelai coming into the diner, Luke serving her, but they’re like strangers. You didn’t make it simple for them.
I loved what Luke said at one point: "That's you, Lorelai. You don't think. Have you ever considered how you affect other people? No you don't. You came in here every day for the last couple of years..playing your games.." Wow, so glad he said that. It’s just an honest description of how he felt. He loved her, and she flirted and smiled, but there was nothing more than that. He was tired of it. Also, some of your descriptions I found quite lovely, like the armor imagery in the final chapter. Luke lost the armor, he lost his shield, and he became vulnerable. Also, one of my favorite lines: “Wanting to fall into her. Let her catch me for once.” Nice. Very nice. Luke was always “catching” Lorelai, helping her out. This time, he wanted to be saved.
Also, I’m so happy you didn’t just write off Rachel as some distraction for Luke. He truly loved her. He just happened to love Lorelai too. Two different women, two different kinds of love. Wonderful.
Letter Grade
B+
Reviewed by:
Angeleyez
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