|
SITE OF THE MONTH
Another site maintained by Hider and Sam. I don't think I've ever heard of a completely Literati-based fan fiction awards site. Have you? Start nominating, kids!
WRITING CONTEST
PLUG YOUR FICS!
Powered by TagBoard Message Board
|
Scene Form A Nursery Window by Lipton Lee
Link to story.
Plot
Oh, hey there Perfection, didn’t see you there. I’m good, thanks. I’m just in the midst of reviewing Lee’s fic. I don’t believe you’ve met Lipton Lee. My apologies, it seems that she keeps surpassing you with each new thing she writes. Ah well, you would have liked her. This fic, for example, is excellence in a hospital. I’m reviewing only a brief scene, but luckily I’ve read this fic before and therefore am not floundering in a sea of confusion (I’m a poor swimmer). It’s fairly obvious what this is about: Rory and Jess in the hospital; Rory gave birth. The scene takes place outside that big room full of babies, against the glass window. Luke and Lorelai are staring in (“Don’t get any ideas.”, Lorelai), and Jess comes up. It’s basically a conversation about the newfound Mariano/Gilmore baby that exudes both humor, sweetness, and excitement about the future. And Jess as a daddy? Doesn’t that make you go ‘aww’?
Characterization
You have these characters down, Lee. Seriously. Lorelai and her sense of humor: You made her silly but not in the ‘Geez, I think Lorelai’s on speed again, maybe someone should cut her off’ way. She was fun and humorous, but balanced out. Luke was so Luke with his ‘anti-holding the baby’ attitude. He was afraid he’d hurt the poor little infant. And then Jess. You made him sweet in his own Jess (read: believable) way. He’s a daddy and he’s nervous but… exhilarated. This is all new for him and he doesn’t want to mess it up. He’s still here. This will work.
“It’s not that bad,” Jess told him. “It’s...” he trailed off, not sure what to say. Aw.
Style/Flow
Perfect flow. The scene is easy to read and follow and get through. It’s a quick read with a natural flow of conversation. My usual nitpick of I don’t know who’s talking isn’t needed here. I knew who it was at all times!
Structure/Spelling/Grammar
I saw no errors. Once again, easy to follow and read.
Things To Work On
Um. Er. This was only a short scene, so maybe I’ll just assume the rest of the fic is real bad. Ha, no. I know it isn’t. Honestly, I can’t think of a single thing. I really enjoyed this.
Things That Rocked My Socks
Dialogue. Characterization. Un-Sarcastic Jess (a.k.a: He’s a daddy and he’s nervous!) Luke and his fear of little “ankle-biters”. Lorelai and her spastic nature. (Talking through a glass window isn’t that crazy! Heh.) The baby’s fake and real name. The way both Lorelai and Jess thought she was the best-looking, although Luke couldn’t see the difference (except for that weird one in the corner.) “Leather jacket; bad attitude; cigarettes; book sticking out of her back pocket.” Oh yeah, that is so Jess’s kid. The best part? That there’s more than one chapter that for me to read.
Letter Grade
A+
Reviewed by:
Angeleyez
back
|
