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SITE OF THE MONTH
Another site maintained by Hider and Sam. I don't think I've ever heard of a completely Literati-based fan fiction awards site. Have you? Start nominating, kids!
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Haunted by Samantha
Link to story.
Plot
It's a simple one-parter, but not a Literati (thank you). Acutally, it's a JavaJunkie. It's actually kind of creepy, and honestly, I'm not comfortable thinking of Luke in the way you've suggested in Haunted. It's a different style and angle, but it just left me with an odd aftertaste. Maybe it's because I think so highly of Luke. :/ But hey, maybe that's what you were going for?
Characterization
I think Lorelai is well done, especially when she says, "I have him trained so well." But nothing really stood out for me in terms of her character. It was just like normal Lorelai.
Luke started of pretty normal, too, until the end. I just don't see him going for a Jewel song. It's a mostly Lorelai piece, so there's not much to say about Luke. Although, "I'm gonna haunt you, girl." is a little weird to read, with regards to Luke.
Style/Flow
There was nothing wrong with how you wrote it or anything, but this story just seemed so general, even though you meant for it to be sort of creepy. Nothing grammatically jumped out and attacked me, but I was a bit jarred by the use of a Jewel song.
The end is kinid of odd, because the story is all in Lorelai's point of view. Then there's a tail end that's third-person perspective.
Structure/Spelling/Grammar
It's like a short-story with a songfic combined. You have a couple of great sentences, and I like how you wrote it in terms of techincal skill. Well done in this department.
Things To Work On
I didn't really get much of a reaction to this, to tell you the truth. It lacks a certain... "Oomph!"
Luke rubs me the wrong way (oh, perv!), too. Ah, it's that Jewel song. I think it's because of that "Intuition" song that made me rethink my opinions about Jewel. Horrid song.
If anything else made me feel bad, it's my own fear of stalking. It's a personal thing, I guess. It just makes me really uncomfortable. But I can't and won't blame you for that.
Things That Rocked My Socks
I love the sentences like, "...a dinstinctively male voice starts singing softly...but it crashes through my ears as loudly as an extremely microphoned group of a hundred men." It's beautiful.
Letter Grade
B-
Reviewed by:
Oregano
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