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SITE OF THE MONTH
Another site maintained by Hider and Sam. I don't think I've ever heard of a completely Literati-based fan fiction awards site. Have you? Start nominating, kids!
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I Can See His Face by Lydia
Plot: A very sweet, well written story that really did make me giddy at three in the morning. It is a story of Lorelai discovering her immense feelings for Luke, written entirely in the first person. What makes this story so great is not just the discovery of a great love, but the connections that all the characters have with each other. The word individual becomes such a lonely idea. Each character in this story is influenced by everyone around them- very true to life. And it also provides just the right amount of complications for a good story.
Characterization: Your portrayal of Lorelai is very well done. You've captured her nervous charm, her bubbly excitement, and that great skill of hers- denial. And at the same time, her literary and pop culture references are quite good. Luke's teddy bear scene was slightly uncharacteristic, but it fit in well with his nervous oddities throughout the story. You have gone beyond the stereotypes many writers fall into. I felt like I was reading an original script for the show. Many of the characters are thus portrayed through their actions because we are not able to confirm their point of view. More below...
Style/Flow: You have a certain charm and humor in your style that does not go unnoticed. I had so much fun reading your story that I completely forgot to do my job. You also do a great job of varying your sentence structure for added emphasis. I admire you for taking a major risk in this story. By choosing first person narration over the omniscience of third person, you risk destroying the personalities and/or storylines of other characteristics- forcing Lorelai into a one woman show. Instead, you've done something quite wonderful. With one smile, the reader visualizes Luke in all of his shy glory hidden behind gruff irrelevance. Rory's petrifying nervousness is captured nicely through Lorelai's perspective rather than her own jumbled thoughts. And the sullen anger that usually pours from Jess can be seen clearly through his actions. In short, the reader catches a glimpse of something rarely seen on the show- the portrayal of characters from another's point of view.
Structure/Grammar/Flow: You have a really nice natural flow to your writing that is sometimes disrupted by small errors and a few too many commas. I would make sure to read everything thouroughly to catch those little run-ons and pesky grammar errors. Other than that, you're golden.
Things to work on: Keep on writing!
Parts that rocked our socks: All of the Lorelai-isms: glittery pens, excess amounts of sequins, chocolate cake... Also...T.J. Etch-A-Sketching- enough said...
and my favorite part: "The bell clanged, signaling loudly to the world that Lorelai Gilmore, lover of Luke Danes had entered the building. Nothing happened." Sometimes the world keeps on going, even when you feel like it should have stopped.
Grade: A-, very nice job Lydia
Sadie
Reviewed by:
Sadie
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