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Swans and Toaster by Lipton Lee
Link to story.
Plot
All I can say is... aww. I love this concept of Jess returning. I know lots of authors have Jess returning to Stars Hollow all the time. But there's something different in this Lee-version. It's that he came back to an upbeat setting. No drama, no long, hifaluting words, no Rory crying, none of that crap. (Not that those I've read are crap--there's just... a heck of a lot of them floating around.) It's Christmastime, and well, Jess visits. It's kind of a small update of his life, as well as hints of Luke's and Liz's. I love the little tradition Jess and Liz have of always giving two gifts to each other. And I love Luke's tradition of sticking money into the weirdest places for Jess. I like the feeling of family that you create within their interactions, too. It's like I want to be part of their family. Ee.
Characterization
I say you've done a pretty good job with all of them; Jess, Luke, Liz.
Jess is sarcastic, but at the same time witty--which is the best kind of Jess. I like how you have him speaking in short, direct sentences.
Luke is still Luke, with his distant facade. But then he'll go and do something sweet. Like put money in a toaser and give it to you.
Liz, I can totally see. I can imagine her saying and doing every single thing that you wrote her out to say and do. From the chuckling, to the, "Every year!"
Style/Flow
I recognise your distinct style of writing in short, concise paragraphs. It looks kind of odd at first, maybe because I'm just used to reading stories with longer paragraphs, but you pull it off. Actually, screw that last comment. I like this style. It's easier to read. Quality over quantity. Yes.
Structure/Grammar/Spelling
I always thought it was "duffel." But I could be wrong.
"Swear to god..." I think 'god' should be capitalised.
And when Liz mentions the DVD, West Side Story, I think it would be better to either put the title in italics or underline it.
Things To Work On
The end was kind of odd, with Rory watching them and then falling asleep on the stairs. It felt a little out of place with the Jess-Luke-Liz thing.
Some bits of grammar was distracting, but I don't have anything to quack about. You like Jess. You're pretty. :)
Things That Rocked My Socks
That feeling of familiarity and family between the Danes-Marianos. I love the interaction between all three of them. The story just leaves you with a smile on your face because Jess and Luke are just so hilarious when put in the same room together.
Characterization. You rule all.
Letter Grade
A-
Reviewed by:
Oregano
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