|
SITE OF THE MONTH
Another site maintained by Hider and Sam. I don't think I've ever heard of a completely Literati-based fan fiction awards site. Have you? Start nominating, kids!
WRITING CONTEST
PLUG YOUR FICS!
Powered by TagBoard Message Board
|
Cooties by Elizabeth
Link to story.
Plot
This is one of those adorable little ficlets that can be read over and over again, and still, somehow, the cuteness does not wear off. One of the great aspects of this ficlet was that it was told through the eyes of Jess, so all the events went through the filter of a five-year old’s mind. The back story to why Jess was in Maryland, sitting in a McDonalds playground, trying to read were told in very simplistic terms, fitting the characterization of the story. Jess had a mother, and she had boyfriends. “But when Jess was five Brandon made Jess’s mom cry, and that was when Liz decided to take Jess on a road trip.” This line here especially fit the story because it was simple, neat but the readers could infer what had happened.
So Jess and Liz go on a road trip (fun for Jess, an escape for Liz), and they make an impromptu stop in Maryland. There Jess meets a brown haired girl (ten points if you guess who; a kick to the head if you can’t), and they have a very odd, but adorable five-year old conversation. Rory rambles, Jess is grossed out (a GIRL? Ew!), and they have their first cutesy encounter. Eventually their conversation is interrupted (much to Jess’s relief) and Rory runs back to her mother – only pausing to kiss Jess on the cheek.
And give him cooties.
Characterization
When writing smaller versions of characters we know well, there is a lot more freedom. However, what I enjoyed mostly about this ficlet was that Rory and Jess as five sounded like Rory and Jess could be like at five. They were almost miniature versions of their teenage selves. Rory? Rambled. A lot. She sounded intelligent, she was overly friendly. She missed Jess’s sarcasm and unpleasantness – she trusted, she was naďve.
Jess was sarcastic, rude, and just wanted to be left alone to read. He practically bites Rory’s head off when she disturbs him – asking her to shut up and asking her what planet she is from. But then, even if only slightly, he warms to her: “‘So soon?’ Rory didn’t catch the sarcasm, Jess wasn’t sure it was actually there.”
Liz’s characterization in this ficlet was one of my favorite parts. While she never made an appearance herself, what was mentioned about her made me smile. Just because Liz and Jess have issues up the wazoo now, doesn’t mean that she treated him horrible. The point is that she tried to be a good mother. She hugged him and kissed him, and watched out for him. It was sweet.
Style/Flow
It was readable and easy to follow. No complaints here.
Structure/Spelling/Grammar
Once again, no complaints or errors as far as I can see.
Things to Work On
“But I find you an interesting conversational partner.” This was the only line of the ficlet that I had a problem with. I liked what you did with Rory’s character in giving her overly intelligent speech at a young age. Such kids like that exist, I’m sure. But in this sentence, I think you went a little overboard. Simplifying it a bit would have been better.
Things That Rocked My Socks
“He knew not to eat sand, and to wash his hands before meals and to brush his teeth before bed, and he knew that girls had cooties, but he didn’t know the dangers of women went far beyond the imagined germs of kindergarten.” Ha!
Liz. Jess’s rudeness. Rory’s obliviousness. The basic idea. The cuteness. The conversation. The mention of Luke’s and coffee and the familiarity. Rory’s sweetness. Her kiss. And Jess’s response.
“Ugh, cooties!” Ha. Love the title and the story. I think for such a simple piece this was marvelously written.
Letter Grade
A
Reviewed by:
Angeleyez
back
|
