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SITE OF THE MONTH
Another site maintained by Hider and Sam. I don't think I've ever heard of a completely Literati-based fan fiction awards site. Have you? Start nominating, kids!
WRITING CONTEST
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Sirens by MahliaLily
Link to story.
Plot
This is a simple, yet effective plot. It gives the readers a view of Jess's life in New York after he appeared in Rory's dorm that night at Yale.
Characterization
It's pretty obvious that you've taken the time/effort to invest in this character and by doing this, you've been able to really get inside Jess's head. Everything you had him do in this fic seemed very Jess-like. You even managed to get me to see a different side of him, the more humane side, I guess (which is a big accomplishment, since I'm no Jess fan.) Even from your author's note its easy to tell
you have strong feelings about this character and it comes through in your writing. Wonderful job.
Style/Flow
I loved the way this story was very simple but used beautiful language and really painted a picture for the readers. It was lyrical and just lovely.
Grammar/Sentence Structure
I didn't see any grammatical or spelling problems at all.
Things to work on
Really, not much. I don't think you could have a much better understanding of the character or the way you portray him. Just in general as a writer, you might want to try and stretch
yourself every once in awhile--right outside your comfort zone or try and write for another fandom (if you have one.) This isn't easy to do, I rarely do it myself, but it's just something to ponder. Or maybe,
even try some original fiction if you don't do that already.
Parts that rocked our socks
I loved that even though his apartment was scarce that didn't stop you from describing the orange carpet or the paint peeling from the walls/ceiling. It's much more effective to let the readers see that rather than just tell them the apartment wasn't decorated. The "In one dream" lines were very effective. I liked the repetition and how they both ended up the same way, that Rory hated him.
I adored the part where he was waiting for the siren. I thought that's what it might be so it made me anticipate it and gave the piece a bit of tension as well. I like the use of the siren because it lets us see
that Jess is in pain and he wants to hear it so he knows someone else is too. Also, it was kind of (for me) a callback to the car wreck with Rory, since she said they used the siren on the way to the hospital.
I don't know if this is what you were intending, but that's what makes the piece so good. Writers should let the readers draw their own conclusions every once in awhile. As my senior lit teacher said, "Revel in the ambiguities." You do a great job of that here.
Letter Grade A
Reviewed by:
CIAChick711
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