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SITE OF THE MONTH
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Road Map by MahliaLily
Link to story.
Plot
Liz. Eighteen and leaving Stars Hollow for bigger and better things. Wow. This is such a great and original piece. This first chapter is all about Liz reflecting on her life, on Stars Hollow, on the fact that Stars Hollow is safety. And she doesn’t want to be trapped in that safety. I thrive on original plots, and stories. This just screams original. The plot is great as well. Liz is a character that hasn’t been explored much. Not only are you exploring her, but you’re giving us a background, reasons, and answers. My only complaint is that there’s only one chapter. *transforms into annoying reviewer* “More please”
Characterization
Like I said, Liz isn’t a well developed character on the show, but I think you captured her pretty well. Liz isn’t the type of girl who could stay in Stars Hollow; she wanted more. She needed more. You keep her as ‘Liz’ the wandering, flaky sister, but she still cares. Like here: She didn’t avoid the hardware store because she was lazy or because she expected him to take care of everything. She avoided it because every time she looked at the stupid thumbtacks or the power cords or the plungers, she’d see her mom and dad restocking the shelves together, stealing kisses when they thought no one was looking.
Now for Luke, you handle young Luke so well, basically because he’s still Luke. He’d pretty much lost it then. Going on and on about how this was typical behavior for her, how she was never around anyway, how she didn’t care about the family or anyone but herself. He screams; he yells, and he completely over reacts, but it’s just because he cares.
Luke’s father seems good; real. Soft, and kind, a man who loved his children and wanted what’s best for them. And last, but not least, Uptight Mabel. We don’t even know her name, but she’s already handing Liz a tissue and giving into those motherly instincts.
Style/Flow
This story flows like a novel.You get into Liz’s mind, recall memories, and add dialogue without ever breaking the flow. Even the first line; it’s a great way to start. You're style is great as well. It’s descriptive, detailed, and completely engaging.It's not quick, but long and explained. You're not left confused or wondering.
Structure/Grammar/Spelling
It’s obvious a lot of time and thought was put into this story. There are no obvious grammar/spelling mistakes that I could see, and the structure’s great.
Things To Work On
Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zero. Just keep writing!
Parts That Rocked Our Socks
Liz’s inner thoughts, her character and just the originality of this plot.
Average. Average, Liz recited. Apparently, there was some unwritten code that specified exactly what kind of people could be found on a bus at any given time. No one too flashy. All genders and ages accounted for. Stereotypes successfully met.
And
Well, Luke’s backpack, to be exact. He’d reluctantly loaned it to her the night before… very reluctantly, in fact, considering he didn’t even know he’d done it. It wasn’t really theft, Liz rationalized. He must’ve noticed it when they’d brought her to the bus stop.
Final Grade
A+
Reviewed by:
Psychotic Scribbler
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