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SITE OF THE MONTH
Another site maintained by Hider and Sam. I don't think I've ever heard of a completely Literati-based fan fiction awards site. Have you? Start nominating, kids!
WRITING CONTEST
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28 by MarieBourne376
Link to story.
Plot
Jess Mariano is one of the more malleable characters, thanks to his troubled and somehow secretive nature. His past is basically an open field, inviting the imagination to build something to put Jess where he is now.
28 does exactly this. But while the abusive mood and the setting has become expected of Jess fics, you write it very well. Better than most. It's a short recall to his childhood and the stuff that happens to him as a kid, leading to the present, where, as I take from the title, he is twenty-eight-years old and finds happiness with Rory.
Characterization
You recreate Jess's past vividly and you don't hold back. He's bullied, beaten, high, drunk, everything. And it fits so well with his character, from voice to feeling. Good job.
Liz is mentioned a little, but you allude to her past behaviour well.
She whispered to him, promising that all she needed was a little bit of time, and when he came back from his uncle Luke’s, things would be different, she would be different.
That line is so spot-on, I want to cry.
Style/Flow
I love the way you write, but sometimes I just feel like there is a bit of a cliche in your style. Maybe I've just read too many stories of the same thing, of the same style, but nothing really jumps out at me anymore.
However, I love the little inserts in the parentheses--it's gives more of an informal feeling and a closer look at Jess.
28 flows very well, from start to finish, smooth, smooth, smooth.
Structure/Grammar/Spelling
No real problems here, but I think it'd be better if you had capitalised "Superman" and "Uncle" (in the fourth-to-the-last-paragraph).
Things To Work On
I think there's just too many things in this story that I've read before:
The abundance of pronouns and no names is one thing I think I've seen too much. I know it's a stylistic choice and everything, but after a few stories, it gets redundant.
I know it was the whole point to your piece, but I think Rory being this great and wonderful gift to Jess is a little overdone as well, and it sometimes pushes preachy.
Parts That Rocked My Socks
Your way of writing is very impressive. I love the little details in the story, Jackson Street, the sweater, and the whole of "fifteen." It's personal and gives the reader a chance to relate to Jess as a kid with problems, and not a dreamy boy on television.
Liz, however little she was mentioned, was great, and I love her.
Letter Grade
B+
Reviewed by:
Oregano
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