|
SITE OF THE MONTH
Another site maintained by Hider and Sam. I don't think I've ever heard of a completely Literati-based fan fiction awards site. Have you? Start nominating, kids!
WRITING CONTEST
PLUG YOUR FICS!
Powered by TagBoard Message Board
|
Unfinished by Firecracker
Link to the story.
Plot:
Dealing specifically with the break-up of a relationship is never simple. You manage to make it look easy. I particularly enjoyed the fact that Rory was the one doing the breaking up with Logan in this, and that Logan was the one to come back and confront her about it. Things happen in a believable and meaningful manner. Using the two points of view for each of the first two parts was really inspired because it allowed your reader to see both sides of the argument and feel the distinctive pain that each participant was feeling.
Characterization:
I know that you were really worried about how Logan turned out here, but you had no reason to be. More than that you get so into his head that your heart completely breaks for him. One of my favourite lines was: “But now, as he stares down at his phone with the numbers blinking back to him, the frustration comes back. The memory of her walking out comes rushing back like a flood, and he can’t seem to stop the water.” Everything from the subtle confirmation of his status by having “caller ID” on his phone to the all-encompassing frustration we know he’s feeling is perfectly Logan. Rory is wonderfully written, too. As someone who’s not quite as perfect as she sometimes appears on the show. She’s someone who’s willing to break her own heart in order to preserve herself. I really loved that you took that chance with her.
Style/Flow:
Your style is distinctive. I was actually surprised by the minimal use of parentheses. Every part of this has a purpose and serves it well. Even the three segments are interrelated enough to really hold the piece together wonderfully. I really have no comments to make about it, other than it’s wonderful.
Structure/Grammar/Spelling:
Aside from some redundancies like, “his face lively and animated” you really had no grammar problems. “And then she’d ran,” should be “And then she’d run” but aside from that I didn’t find anything.
Things to Work On:
One thing you might want to work on in the future is your use of semi-colons and fragments. They work really well and yes, they are a stylistic choice, but sometimes using tools like that sparingly can be more powerful. There were also a lot of commas (as you know, I’m guilty of this as well). You might want to try to simplify your sentences in the future. Remember that sometimes the best lines can be only a few words long.
Parts That Rocked my Socks:
If I could quote the whole thing back to you I would. Unfortunately, that’s not an option, so I’ll stick with the cream of the crop here. “I …
She’d give anything for a moment in time to stop her legs from running out of his dorm room, tears streaming as Colin and Finn passed her, heading toward their own rooms.
… love you.” That just about brought me to tears. It’s so perfectly Rory and so heartbreaking. Just beautifully written.
And, “He leans into her, touching foreheads, and whispers back, “You’re beautiful and intelligent and not at all boring.”
“I….”
“One of these days, you’re going to believe me.” Your Logan is the type of guy that every girl wishes she would meet at college.
Letter grade:
A +
Reviewed by:
radcgg
back
|
