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Alpha and Omega by radcgg
Link to story.
Plot
This story picks up the day after But Not As Cute As Pushskin. As stated in the summary. It deals with the relationship that comes to be as a result of this episode. We are given snippets of the next few moments; the defining moments in their relationship. But in the last chapter we realize that this was all in Rory’s mind. Months rewind, events have never occurred, and Logan is still asking Rory the question we could have sworn she answered ages ago.
That was a great twist. One which I never saw coming. The plot itself was great. I love stories like that; those stories that show you what’s important in a relationship, what changes everything.
This could have been a very clichéd piece, especially with following a story line similar to the show. It wasn’t. You added your own twists, your own versions, and your writing style made it unforgettable.
Characterization
Your Rory was great. Indecisive, unsure, emotional, vulnerable, real, and angry. I loved her outburst during chapter 2. She had the moments where she threw caution to the wind; But for today, she chooses not to worry about it. Today, there is only Rory, and there is only Logan. Worries are for tomorrow which we all know she’s capable of now, and her moments when logic prevailed. “I mean, that nothing has changed. You’re still you and I’m still me. There’s nothing we can do about that And on top of all of this you have her desire to win; to be Logan and prove herself.
Then we have Logan. He walks through the door. Before she can protest, or move to protest, his lips cover hers. There’s the Logan we all know and love. He wants her, but he holds off. He knows they can’t handle it. You're not ready for this, and neither am I." He kissed her again, taking each one of her hands in his, and using them to button up his shirt in a more sensual manner than it was unbuttoned. I like sensible! Logan. It shows her cares about her, that she’s not just another girl. At the same time, he can loose himself in her too. It’s easier to forget than to try and change yourself.
Style/Flow
The way in which you told this story in Rory’s pov was great. Because of that, you were more in tune with her emotions throughout the story. I’m not sure how but you have this style which drags your readers in at the very first line. She couldn't breathe. /She remembers dancing. /She doesn’t know how it happens, but her back is thrust against the wall. Those were my favorites. There’s not much dialogue, but its better that way. It adds a certain mood to this story, a mood you manage to keep throughout al 6 chapters. Amazing.
Structure/Grammar/Spelling
Well, you switch tense a few times starting out in past, but then you switch to present half way through the first chapter. Also there were a few typos he instead of she and other little things like that. An extra check after it comes back from the beta should fix that.
Other than that, everything was fine.
Things to Work On
Well, like I said add some extra proof reading to get rid of those annoying typos, and make sure you stick to one tense.
Parts That Rocked Our Socks
I think chapter 5 had to be my favorite. I’m a sucker for some good angst. And that was great.
She slips under his arm and starts to gather together her clothes.
“Where are you going?” He still faces the wall, but his head is turned towards her as she pulls on her underwear, and her shirt.
She stops for a second. Looks at him closely, used lips, the hickey forming on his neck, the nail mark on his back that will inevitably sting him for some days to come. “Nothing’s changed.”
“What do you mean, nothing’s changed? Everything’s changed, Rory!” She can feel his eyes on her as she pulls her jeans on over her hips, buttoning and zipping them quickly. She hears the annoyance in his voice, but chooses to ignore it.
Letter Grade
A
Reviewed by:
Psychotic Scribbler
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