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Fade From Color by CaliforniaDreamer
Link to Story.
Plot
Fade From Color is set after Last Week's Fights, This Week's Tights. It is a response piece to how things were left with Rory and Jess, and molded to a more Literati-friendly ending. It starts out with a whole lot of "what if?"'s and later ends with both Rory and Jess sucking it up and being grown-ups about this.
Thank God.
Characterization
This piece is coming from Rory's point-of-view, and I think you have her very well-written. She over-thinks things, she compares her emotions to Jess, and the infamous pro/con list is even mentioned. I loved this line, though:
"She thinks that maybe time has stopped, but that’s too cheesy and romantic, and she likes to think they are neither of those."
Jess makes a small appearance by the end, but however brief his character is seen, it's still Jess.
Style/Flow
You touch back to the last time they see each other, or actually, talk to each other... or really, Rory talks to him on the phone. I loved this line about pining:
"She had told him she wasn’t going to pine, and she gave it a damn good try, even if it did feel like she was constantly putting on an act. But here she was, borderline pining, so close to wanting and needing.
She didn’t even have a right to pine, or want, or need."
You have a great style here. It's not bogged down with description to confuse people, nor is it too sparsely given to seem rushed. There's a balance to your writing and I love it.
There is some jumping between present and past tense, though. It's most noticable by the end, where Rory walks out to the parking lot.
Structure/Grammar/Spelling
No real errors here, but this kind of jumped out at me:
"second guess" should have a hyphen, "second-guess."
It's not a big deal, though.
Things To Work On
Technical issues are what bothered me more than anything here. The inconsistency between tenses, and stupid little things like that hyphen.
Parts That Rocked My Socks
I like the feeling of closure between Rory and Jess, even though they don't end up together. It's just something to help us bothered Lits with our day. :)
Your style of writing is great, and from the past stuff you've given us, I noticed a big improvement. Great job.
Because random lines are the best:
“Goodbye, Rory,” he says, his voice steady, but she likes to think that it killed him a little, like it did for her."
"She’s speeding back and falling hard on to the concept of this present, the most real of all realities. The could-have-beens drove off with him, and she’s left in this world of gray, where there is no RoryandJess."
Letter Grade
A
Reviewed by:
Oregano
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