|
SITE OF THE MONTH
Another site maintained by Hider and Sam. I don't think I've ever heard of a completely Literati-based fan fiction awards site. Have you? Start nominating, kids!
WRITING CONTEST
PLUG YOUR FICS!
Powered by TagBoard Message Board
|
"Cheers, Darlin'" by Samantha
Link to Story.
Plot:
Now I’m the first person to admit that I am not an expert on Jess. He and I never really connected the way that we should have. That being said, what I know of him really meshes with the story. He’s bitter and hard, life in the city has made him that way. Still, your Jess is able to admit his feelings to himself and eventually Rory by the end of the story.
Characterization:
I thought that Jess was really believable, specifically in the first chapter. I really enjoyed the bitterness of Jess. It was really reflective of where he might have gone after leaving Stars Hollow. Like I’ve said above, I really have no attachment to Jess, so I’m probably not the best person to ask about characterization.
Style/Flow:
As a general rule, I tend to stay away from songfics. They break up the story a little too much for my tastes. I felt like the songs didn’t fit as well as they could have to what you were writing. In all honesty, you could have written it without the lyrics and achieved the same effect.
This being said the flow of the piece wasn’t bad. Your style was unique – it’s not often that I read Jess-future fics like this, but I thought that it worked really well.
Structure/Grammar/Spelling:
Aside from a couple redundancies like: It was him.
He was there.
What was he doing there?
I didn’t notice any errors. Great job.
Things To Work On:
As I’ve said, I’m not a huge fan of songfics. I think these stories would have worked well (possibly even better) without the song lyrics inserted into the text.
The other thing to look out for is repetition. I do a lot of it myself and I know how hard it is to kick the habit, but your stories will have a lot more punch if you “tighten up the language” and use words sparingly.
Parts That Rocked My Socks:
Oh, I loved the fact that he was drinking Whiskey first, and then this part here:
The last time he saw her, he'd been two months nicotine free.
And then she'd dropped that bomb.
"I'm getting married! Two weeks from today. Isn't it exciting!"
That day, he made his way through three packs.
That was amazing. My adoration of angst made me fall completely in love with this section.
I discovered while reading your story, that I am a sucker for the happy ending.
He holds her in that clichéd way, the way grooms carry their brides over thresholds.
He ignores her protests and carries her to their bedroom, where he lowers her gently to the bed.
That was just a brilliant section. Made me all gooey and happy inside.
Letter Grade:
B
Reviewed by:
radcgg
back
|
