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"Storm Clouds" by Jenn
Link to Story.
Plot:
I loved everything about this plot. It (if I start to regurgitate your own words, Jenn, kick me) could have been clichéd because of the premise, but it wasn’t. To commit or not to commit has always been the question in the Rory/Logan community, and you dealt with it brilliantly. It was just complicated enough to be gripping. Really, I don’t want to ruin it by summarizing it for people who haven’t read it yet, but it was just fabulous.
Characterization:
I love stories that really focus on the characters like this one does. Rory and Logan are the only two people we see, the only two whose thoughts we hear, and you do a wonderful job of them both. Everything about them was exactly as it should be. This conversation really exemplified that for me:
“I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“You never do.”
“I just thought you needed a day off.”
“Didn’t feel the need to consult me on the matter?”
“I knew you’d say no. It’s against the Rory Gilmore Rule Book.”
“That should have been your first clue to my reaction.”
Style/Flow:
I really have no comments to make about this. The flow is practically flawless. And your style is your own (can you tell that I’m a fan?). It’s really brilliant. I remember some of your earlier pieces and then I look at something like this and I see how much you’ve grown as a writer. I can’t help but be impressed at how you’ve created yourself here.
Structure/Grammar/Spelling:
A couple really really small things (that I had to get nitpicky about). Sometimes it felt like there should have been a comma instead of a period after dialogue (ie.“That’s not the point.” Logan insists.); “I take it you’re vocabulary is lacking today?” should be “your”; and finally the one verb tense issue I found… You, Finn, and Colin send a note to my class, a class in which I was presenting a paper, saying that there was an urgent matter that needed to be attended to and you say its from my mother!” - should be “needs” to match with the rest of the sentence.
Really small, inconsequential things.
Things to work on:
Aside from watching out for those little things, I can’t really think of anything at all. It was fabulous.
Parts that rocked my socks:
So many choices…
He grins, trying to place his hands on her waist, bring her close. He knows she can’t resist him. So does she, and that’s why she places her hands on his chest and pushes away.
Because it’s wonderful. Just bloody wonderful.
She wants to tell him all about the Friday night dinner, and how she got upset with her grandmother, who immediately noticed her lack of mentioning him, asked, and then went into a rant about how she needed to fix whatever the problem. Logan was the first boyfriend all her family and friends approved of, that that should tell her something.
She’d stormed out then.
She wants to tell him about how her article got picked up for the New York Times, her excitement about it, and how Richard framed it. She wants to tell him about Lorelai and Luke’s latest antics, and about a thousand other mundane things she’s never realized they talked about before.
Because I can completely understand why she’d feel that way, and it breaks my heart.
She answers the door without thinking.
“Logan?” Her voice is weak.
He’s standing there, propped up against the wall like she’s seen him so many times before. This time, it’s different though. There’s determination in his brown eyes, more than she’s ever seen before.
“Hey Rory...”
“What are you doing?”
“I’m here to talk to.”
He moves closer, wrapping his arms around her waist. She’s to engulfed in just being near him to remember why she’s kept her distance this last week.
“I love you.”
“Lo—“
“I love you and I want to be with you and nothing else matters. Nothing else should matter. I know we fight, what couple doesn’t; okay we fight more than the average couple but---“
She cuts him off with a kiss, and then speaks softly. “I love you too; and for the first time in my life I’m in complete agreement with you.”
And my heart is a mushy puddle on the floor. Loved it. I can see Logan standing in her doorway, looking exhausted, morose, and determined. And Rory returning the expression. You managed to convey that to the reader without really describing it at all. It takes a truly gifted person to do that, to make the reader see what’s being written like a movie playing in the imagination.
Letter Grade:
A+
Reviewed by:
radcgg
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