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SITE OF THE MONTH
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Cold Uplhostery by Arianna
Link to story.
Plot
One shot. Future fic. Jess and Rory. They’re living together, but there no together. Here’s where the obscurity begins. Jess lives in Rory’s basement; he doesn’t work. He’s just there. They try to keep the relationship platonic, and the feelings hidden but when Rory brings a date home for dinner things change. Rory ends the night kissing Jess instead of kissing her date. =]
It was different, an unusual situation.
She was considerate enough to let him stay, let him hide out in her basement, hidden by thin walls, tilting bookshelves, drafty windows. The windows were the same throughout the tiny house; her own bookshelves tilted as much as the ones that were temporarily his.
Not only are Rory and Jess friends but they’re living together. Their relationship is undefined which adds a new level to the story. Its eccentric, original, and totally you.
Characterization
Jess was great. Sarcastic. Monosyllabic. His literary analogies. She sat at the head of the table. She was cheerful, insouciant towards everything. She was Daisy, Gatsby was missing.
I liked your Rory being sort of fake with her date, like she had to impress him. She doesn’t feel like she can be herself with him, but with Jess she’s normal. She reached up and took the barrette out of her hair. The curls fell down her shoulders, hiding the straps he had watched so carefully earlier. He touched her knee by accident and she decided she didn’t mind. That’s the real Rory.
Style/Flow
This one’s told from a very detached point of view. We don’t know the situation exactly, and we find out little by little as time goes on. Still, I feel like I’m watching the story unfold, like the outcome has already been decided and you’re just stating the events leading to it.
It worked. It’s an unusual style, but you have a way of taking odd situations, and combining them with styles that form something brilliant.
Structure/Grammar/Spelling
Spelling? Nothing was wrong. Your structure? Flawless. As far as grammar, I noticed you didn’t use quotations when people spoke, but I can tell that’s stylistic choice. Like I said, your style fits well with the story. No problems there.
Things To Work On
Hmm, not much. Things could have been a little clearer, when you start out. Not necessarily specific because that’s your style and like I said, I love it, but it seems very random, skipping from her dream job, to a space heater, to her love life (or lack of one.)
Parts That Rocked Our Socks
The ending, the perfect ending. Nothing too much, no dramatics or need for apologies. They’re Jess and Rory; that explains it all.
“It was warm, there on the basement floor. She was kissed that night.
Her mascara smeared, her hair tangled and half straightened now, her smile genuine.
He was there. He was not charity.
So was she.
(In their house.)”
Letter Grade
A
Reviewed by:
Psychotic Scribbler
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