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SITE OF THE MONTH
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Fleeting by gqsecondact
Link to story.
First of all, I am so, so sorry for taking so long.
Plot
Fleeting is one of those short one-shots that capture an idea of what Jess&Rory is. I love how their relationship is defined by this story, and the fact that even if what Jess and Rory have is so complicated and indescribable, your story still makes sense.
Themes of colour and Christmas go very well with the initially light mood, but of course, as is Jess and Rory, there is always something deeper in pink and Christmas lights "clacking on white walls."
This is set in the future, and they are still as estranged as ever, dancing between friends and lovers, but first and foremost, companions to each other.
Characterization
You have both these characters written very convincingly.
Rory is her old self, before prison and before Yale. She exudes a Season 1-2 quality that is reminiscent of her actions whenever she's around Jess. She's so sweet when she tells him her favourite colour and gives up "those damned pro-con lists."
Jess is also well done. From his silent amusement for Rory's actions, to his suddenly showing up to her door.
This "impractical situation" shows us what they can be if they just go with everything, and I find it incredibly fitting.
Style/Flow
I'm very curious as to why you chose the second-person POV, but I still think it works. I love your style of narration because it isn't so heavily-laden with detail, nor is it severely lacking in it.
Your story leaves me with a bit of lightheadedness, but I think in this case, it's a good thing. :)
The flow isn't annoying nor was it confusing--good job.
Structure/Grammar/Spelling
I didn't find anything that distracted me (if there were any errors).
Things To Work On
I don't really have anything else to say in this part, because honestly, I loved it.
Parts That Rocked My Socks
I love this idea you have of Jess and Rory, where you don't confine them into one defining relationship. As you've mentioned, it's an impractical situation. However given their characters, impracticality may be the one that suits them both. It's a great and new angle to explore.
There are some tiny details that do nothing on their own but really add to elements to your story. Like how they count taxicabs or how Jess counts in minutes. I love you; will you marry me?
Letter Grade
A+
Reviewed by:
Oregano
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