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One Bitten, Twice Shy by Lydia
Link to story.
Plot
Once Bitten, Twice Shy is about loss and unlikely reunifications. Set in the relatively far future, we have Jess and Rory both leading different familial lives but are brought together once again by mistaken identity and a little girl.
I think this story kicks ass. Simple as that. The plot, while a tad overdramatic at times, is employed very well and the fact that it's not some mushy one-parter about pick-your-favourite-couple.
There is love, angst, and drama, and it's all worked into the story like a great big pizza pie. For love, it's not what we think, for it's more of a parental sort of love that you cater. The angst just drips from Jess's character, and drama in Rory's.
Characterization
Rory has turned into Lorelai here, and while her absent-mindedness is a far cry from her teenage years, it's still believable how she can manage to leave keys in the vegetable crisper. Her life has become more hectic, and in that first morning scene, there's a repetition of character where Rory's become Lorelai and Jamie's become Rory all those years ago. I like it. It's nice repartee between mother and daughter.
Her immediate reliance on Lorelai touches back on the original premise of the show, and I like how you've put that in.
Jess is so well-developed in this story. The factors that motivate him into becoming what he is make for a convincing future character. He still maintains a semblance of his childhood wit, but it's more mature, and more tortured. Jess has become my favourite character here, just because he's so interesting and dark.
Jamie is a cutiepie, and seems to be older for her age. She's a fine mix of Lorelai's adventurous spirit and Rory's intelligence. I love that about her.
Style/Flow
The style you use here is rather standard, but I can still read individual voices from each of the segments. There's a distinct tone for Jess, for Jamie, and for Rory.
It flows well, and nothing seems too rushed, which is good.
Structure/Grammar/Spelling
I can't quite comment on the structure as a whole yet, since it's not done for now, but so far, it's looking pretty good.
I didn't see any errors, grammatical or spelling.
Things To Work On
I really have no complaints. I guess I'm just looking forward to finishing it. :)
Parts That Rocked My Socks
Characterization is great and well-thought-out. From Jess's intimidating character (with parallels to Emily Gilmore--hee!) to as minor as Luke's paternal worry for his nephew, I love it.
The plot, as I've mentioned, is a little soap-opera-esque to me, but you make it work. It's not some flimsy storyline, but a serious piece. You're not afraid to explore death and drama, yet at the same time, you're not annoyingly angsty and overdramatic.
PS. Jamie and Shauna and I have the same birthday--yow!
Letter Grade
A+
Reviewed by:
Oregano
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