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The Faults That Define Us by California Dreamer
Link to Story.
Plot
This is another... Rory and Jess secretly together, missing each other, both finding someone else, but realizing in the end…maybe they need one another, even if once again, it is too late for them (Luke has to tell Jess that Rory has cancer)—yet this story stands out. A lot. It’s special somehow. I think there's almost always some hint of the...the old R/J story, shall we say? And part of the trick is in making a story stick out as something new and different.
At first it’s their relationship, all the problems, then RoryJess falls apart, they each find other people to be with (They never fully belong to each other. She has nabbed a Yalie, much to the delight of Emily and Richard. He screws a succession of skanks, before he finally finds a monogamous woman.), they find each other still (They keep each other secret, in the darkest corners. They are ashamed, but they can’t stop. The skin upon skin is an intoxicating drug, one that clouds the judgment.), then they realize they have to give it up.
Then Luke calls, telling Jess Rory has cancer, and there isn’t much time left, she wants to see him: he goes to see her, and Now they wait, but not for each other, with each other.
It’s a beautiful story, it fits together perfectly, and you say it’s random (the writing it, that is) but it seems so carefully planned (how I love when that happens!). I think every sentence has something incredible about it: the phrasing, the diction, the punctuation, something.
Characterization
Rory was fantastic. She’s still very much Rory but she’s grown up a little. You show how she’s different: The first time, she initiates it. She kisses him hard, biting his lip roughly but also how she’s exactly the same: She is an expert in taking. He never has much to offer her, but she gobbles the bits up greedily. She wants more from him, but she also doesn’t want to lose him. She’s nervous and worried about some things—she’s cheating, she’s sleeping with Jess of all people, is this really what her life should be like?—but at the same time she’s impulsive, she thinks she knows what she wants. Perfect, perfect, perfect.
Jess was, if possible, even better. He’s incredibly Jess:
She owes him nothing, but he expects her to come back to him always, be his forever and ever amen.
He grins at her moan, but it is a weak grin, for she makes him tremble a bit.
He goes to see her, of course. Well not quite “of course”; he debated it. He feels like a fucking bastard, she wanted to see him, she needed to tie up loose ends. He’s a selfish son of a bitch, but he doesn’t want an ending with her.
That’s absolutely it--Jess.
And the ways they’re the same, the ways they relate to each other, sometimes, you hit so perfectly as well:
She knows he’s lying, and she knows she should say something, but she never does. She wants to believe him. This is her tragic flaw, her Achilles’ heel.
And
They live for and dread the kisses that taste like longing and regret and revenge all at the same time. They kill each other a bit at time.
And
They never act on their desires. They sit and wait them out.
I could quote more, but I’ll manage stopping here. ;)
Style/Flow
You have a pretty distinct style in most of your fics, short sentences, all the needed description, reflection more than dialogue. You manage to state all these facts while not shoving anything in the reader’s face and making it clear at the same time. It works perfectly (that word again. Thesaurus, I need) for this. The sections are exactly the right length, everything flows smoothly and everything fits. You begin each ‘section’ so well and end it at least equally well. I love it all.
Structure/Grammar/Spelling
The only thing I noticed was in your punctuation with parentheses:
She lives for the little things he does for her, coos over the big gestures (not that there are many.), but her joy dissipates the moment his fallacies rush out to meet her.
Technically, I think there shouldn’t be a period at the end “not that there are many,” except that you did it that way for every parenthesis used here, and that makes me think it’s more like a stylistic choice, which works really well. I know I tend to read way into things and it’s very possible I am, but the fact that…these thoughts in parentheses are not just a thought within the sentence, but have this idea of…finality? I like that.
But in general, if parentheses are within a sentence and not enclosing a separate sentence, the punctuation should be outside them. =) (Just a note.)
Otherwise, no problems at all.
Things to Work On
I really don’t think there was anything here that bothered me, and I sure can’t think of anything to put here.
Your style of writing is awesome. Your ideas are fabulous. Just don’t stop writing! *grin*
Parts That Rocked My Socks
*inserts quote of the whole fic*
The plot. The characterization. Rory. Jess. Their problems, their conflicts, the ending. How true this is…the things you say about Rory and Jess. Your diction and phrasing. Your splitting-up-of-paragraphs. The whole thing!
Some favorite lines/parts:
They spend lifetimes waiting for each other. I love that beginning.
She lives for the little things he does for her, coos over the big gestures (not that there are many.), but her joy dissipates the moment his fallacies rush out to meet her.
She kisses him hard, biting his lip roughly. He retaliates by yanking down her jeans and his, and he presses her against him firmly. He grins at her moan, but it is a weak grin, for she makes him tremble a bit.
It was harsh, it always is. It is about the spontaneous and the wrong. She almost always cries a little afterwards (it wasn’t supposed to be like this.), and he can never look her in the eyes directly after. Especially “It is about the spontaneous and the wrong.”
But guilt settles eventually, and they know they can’t do this anymore. So they don’t. / It is simple. And I really love the simplicity of that.
It just makes sense.
They have made love in imperfection. Double meanings! Double meanings! (The reference you make to “fucking” vs. “making love” in the beginning of the fic…plus the idea: they have created love within imperfection.)
Beautiful.
Final Grade
A++
Reviewed by:
collidingstars
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