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Fallen From Grace by Elise
Link to story.
Oh, God. Forgive me if I seem a little rusty at this.
Plot
There are tons of stories about abuse milling around the GG fan fiction world, and most of them are too far-fetched to ever be believable. Usually it's a formula of your favourite 'ship, and the odd man out is the violent jerk. But what you've done here is slightly more provocative than the norm. It's mainly focused on Jess and the secret world he's created about being some kind of hero because he's caught Rory in such a troubled situation. While most stories are all about the pain and anguish of being beaten up, this has a lighter, almost child-like quality to it, thanks to Jess's character.
However, I couldn't help but think that this can also stand alone as an original piece of fiction. (Have I said this before about your previous fics?)
Characterisation
I love Jess here and how he's so... not boring. The story is short, but you give us an almost complete picture of him and how he's living. He's become some sort of mute by choice, and just like the show, Rory is the only one who affects him so much than there is a huge difference in how he acts around her and around other people.
I also love that childish part of Jess. He's such an isolated character in this story, but the fact that he has fantasies about saving the day gives him a kind of redeeming factor--one that makes me attracted to his story.
Most stories aren't so great at character development so it always ends up either really flat or so incredibly outrageous. Like Jem.
Rory is a little bit more different here, but that's more due to what she's going through than anything else. Everything shows with Rory, from her bruises to the emotions that come with them. I like how she's so transparent in Jess's eyes, yet nobody else can guess her pain. That last bit where she finally falls apart is just wow.
Style/Flow
As I've mentioned before (many, many times), the style you use for these sorts of stories are mucho effective. The way that the line between Jess's fantasies and what really happes is blurred gives it the surreal quality that just suits the theme of your story.
It flows very well, to the trance-like beginning, the tense middle, and finally the abrupt ending.
Structure/Grammar/Spelling
I like how it's just one long chapter, but subdivided into six parts. If you had made this into a multi-chapter story, it doubt that it would be as effective.
Grammar, spelling? You do no wrong.
Things To Work On
I love the story, but the title doesn't really catch on with me. It sounds a little too cliche, as Fallen From Grace. It reminds me too much of the Sneaker Pimps song, and I'm not too fond of stories with such close or obvious ties with popular songs.
Spinning around, he finds Rory kneeling on his bed, looking ethereal in a flimsy white nightgown.
I didn't enjoy this as much just because it also seems like a cliche to have ethereal ghosts in flimsy white apparel.
Oh, my god, did I finally have something to pick on in an EliseFic?!
Parts That Rocked My Socks
I love Jess's naivite and how that drives the story forward.
Your description of everything from Rory's bruises to Jess's library is so vivid and it just brings out so much from my imagination.
“I have no grace!” She buries her face in her hands. He stands in front of her stupidly, his hands useless at his sides.
“He says I’m gauche. I slouch, I – I don’t smile enough,” she sniffles, jabbing at her tears, “I forget names.” She tears the bobby pins from her updo, and wild curls fall to her shoulders. She rubs her eyes, smudging her mascara.
“He says he didn’t marry me for this. He says I should be better. That my last name is Gilmore and that means I shouldn’t be so awkward!” She stomps her foot and again tugs at her coat, ready to rip if off. “I was raised in a shed, Jess! I wasn’t raised for – for this.” She chokes and launches into a coughing fit, but he remains motionless.
*
“I can’t believe…” She trails off, at a loss. She isn’t upset about the abuse, but the inconvenience. She has become so inured to the injuries that it is an accepted part of her life. She doesn’t even try to fight anymore. “I can’t – ”
*
As he kicks off the sheets, he hears a crash. He finds Rory on the floor in front of the open closet. Articles are scattered all over the rug, spilled from the overturned box by her feet. She picks up a nearby article and studies it, her expression unreadable. She picks up another and another until she has a huge pile in her lap, and tears are sliding down her face.
“Some of these articles are from three years ago,” she whispers. “You – you’ve been following my work.”
“I like the way you write.” He shrugs, not knowing what else to say. “You’re…amazing.”
She covers her mouth as her brow furrows, her eyes filling with more tears. He rubs the back of his neck, awkward in the doorway. She holds out her hand and he finally moves, pulling her up. She parts her lips with every intention of speaking, but she ends up shaking her head.
Wrapping her arms around his neck, she whispers that she loves him. He closes his eyes and says nothing back.
Okay, I'll stop now.
Letter Grade
A-
Reviewed by:
Oregano
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